HITCH . . . He won’t leave me alone

I was with my partner for over 4years and we now have a child together. I thought we loved each other and had the basis for a strong family. We split up about a year ago because he said he wasn’t ready for the deep commitment of a relationship and needed space to be alone – He felt trapped!

I was devastated, but had to stay strong for the child and look after the house. While I was looking after his child and the house we had made together – he was out there partying and meeting other people. I felt I had been used for the last 4 years, and now he was disrespecting me. I went off ALL men and the idea of ANY long term relationship. Now I have moved on and I’m focused on moving forward. I let him see the child whenever he wants, as it’s important for the child to have his father in his life. The problem is, he now wants to see me back as well. He says he’s realised that I’m a good strong woman and the perfect person to have a family with.

He has shown me something that I have NEVER seen before in a man. He has started being very emotional . . . He phones and starts crying,  he is always texting me and keeps coming to my yard without invitation and says he just needs to see the child. Last month he threatened to commit suicide and said he don’t wanna see the child if he can’t see me. I had loved this man before, but now I’ve realised he really is a wasteman – I’m so glad to see the back of him, and now I need him out of my life. I do believe my boy needs a man in his life and I don’t need the drama – and neither does my child.

HITCH says:

WTF! This guy needs to fix up – and fix up sharp! Regardless of any history between you – The reality is that you have a child and the child must be front and centre of any solution that you both find. Firstly, he needs to ‘man up’, he’s made his bed, so now he needs to lie in it. He was the one that never knew what he had – and now he has lost it. He should have thought of how much you meant to him, before he said he never wanted you.

With all that being said – sometimes we only realise what we want when they do not have it. It’s something we have to do! Althought the guy is acting like a punk right now – You did love something about him to make you stay together for 4 years, move in together and have a child. The way he is acting now is something you’ve never seen before, but what you’re seeing is a man raw emotion and he probably isn’t thinking straight. BUT, he is acting like a proper idiot. If he was a proper man, he would realise that by handling the situation in the correct manner he would stand more chance of getting back with you. Once he shows you that he can handle himself correctly then ‘may’ be a chance of you getting back together – I know you don’t think so right now – but you did love something about him at some time, and it could come back.

You have handled yourself correctly throughout this and you do now have a sticky situation. You have given the guy access to his child, but you have also condoned he petty, idiot behaviour. You need to tell him that you happy for you both to be friends and boh focus on making sure the child is both of yours priorty. Let him know you not interested in seeing other people, but your not interested in seeing anyone at all! Tell him how he hurt you – and that you don’t hold it against him, but you just need to move things forward for the sake of the child.

To stop the idiot behaviour that he’s going on wid, you have to try and give the guy some hope that you both will get back together – Even if you know it’s never gonna happen. Tell him that the only person you have ever loved is him – tell him that he’s the only man for your child and he needs you in his life. . . .  As men we need to be told how important we are. We need to feel important and needed. ‘It’s a man ting!’.

If he continues to act like a nob, threatening to kill himself etc. I would contact the courts and do things through the correct channels. Your child could be at risk round this man – If he’s threatening to kill himself, he’s capable of anything. Only let him see the child while being supervised and tell him he can no longer turn up at your house, because it’s affecting the child. You could lie and say that the school have said it’s affecting his progress at school. If he decides he don’t wanna see the child then let him go about his business. The father figure will have to come from your Dad, or the the child uncles etc.

Although men are supposed to be the stronger sex (phyisicaly and mentally), the truth is we can be very volatile. We need attention, and need to be needed, or shown that. Are you sure there is really no chance of you getting back together? You said you REALLY wanted the family – you have to decide what the best solution for you is ie: Your current baby father or a new man. The tables have turned in this situation! Like he had to be sure he was doing the tight thing before he left you to ‘get space’ – You now to be sure that you really ‘do not’ want to be with him. He’s acting like a nob now – but you know whether there’s a better side to him that is worth working for. You’re also the only one who knows whether his stupid behaviour ha driven you away for ever – or not!

An alternative solutions is to make ya big brother, cousin or any other realatives to smack his face off! Joke!